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"'Kay." Mondo's voice is quieter now, and Taka is trying to calm himself, and not pass out from all the blood in his body running to flush his face, not die of a heart attack. And that was not helped when Mondo placed one hand to rest on the wall, and the other to touch Taka's cheek. Taka naturally jumps and gasps softly, and there was no way that one was not audible.
Taka bolted awake with a stifled whine the day after the pride event, and he found that he had never disliked the sound of his alarm clock more. Out of muscle memory, he slapped the 'off' button on it, and he considered (for about 2 seconds) letting himself stay in bed for just five more minutes. But he knew what a slippery slope the 'just five more minutes' excuse was, so he forced himself out of bed to prepare for the school day.
He used to scoff to himself at the thought of 'mental health days'. He hardly let himself miss school when he was physically sick. Lately, he had been loosening up a bit on the idea; mostly thanks to Mondo, and his... Whatever he had that made him curl up in bed for days on end and refuse to even look at his motorcycle. Even so, though... This was the first time Taka had understood the benifits of the idea. There was no way he was going to be able to properly focus in this state! Sleep-deprived and far too in his own head for his own good.
Thank goodness he was a good actor, at least. He didn't want to worry anyone with his absentmindedness!
Chihiro learned, the day after pride, that Taka was a terrible actor.
Just like Mondo, he was not nearly as subtle as he clearly thought he was. Both of them wore their hearts on their sleeves, to some extent; although with Taka, that was sometimes on purpose. Mondo's yelling was his dead give-away. For Taka, everyone seemed to instantly pick up on how he kept staring at one spot rather than the teacher in class, clearly daydreaming rather than paying attention, which was something he got onto others about. That was a sign of him being 'off'. But the reason why he was so 'off' was made painfully clear at lunch time that day, where Chihiro kept smiling and rolling her eyes to herself at Taka staring at Mondo's lips while he talked.
She'd be a little annoyed that they hadn't asked each other out yet and instead made her pretend to not notice their obvious pining, if it wasn't so darn cute to see her friends being so head-over-heels for each other.
But, each time Taka stared at Mondo as he talked, he would always suddenly tear his eyes away when he remembered himself, and, each time, Chihiro was instantly hit with an overwhelming sense of being ashamed in Taka's body language and expression. She could take a few wild guesses as to why he was ashamed, and all of them hurt her heart. A part of her wished she was stronger, right now, instead of working towards it gradually. She could help Taka then. Be the older (not in years, but in time in the community) queer person that she hadn't had, for him.
But, if she knew anything about her time in the closet, it was that when people tried to force her out before she was ready, she would run back in even deeper than she was before. Besides, she was still... Incredibly shy. And somewhat awkward...
The decision to let Taka come out of the closet at his own pace came easily. If he couldn't hide his obvious romantic feelings and internal struggling for beans, the least she could do was pretend to be shocked when he came out.
Taka's future had been decided for him at a young age. He would get married to a nice woman, have 1-3 biological children, and eventually become prime minister. Just like everyone wanted of him. Just like everyone expected of him. Even if he did feel a little jumpy if he thought about it too hard... Like everything else, it had seemed inevitable. Like there was no other choice. There was a comfort in that inevitability. Other people were gay, but that was other people, not him.
But... When he was finally in an environment where he didn't have to put up an act to be safe; a place where it was treated as a normal thing to ask, it hit him. The second he allowed himself to even consider it.
It seemed so obvious, reminiscing. It was like when he read a book, got to a plot twist, then, when he read the book a second time, he realizes all the now-clear foreshadowing. But it had taken Taka's whole life just to even allow himself to ask. Because everyone was the main character of their own story. And gay people were the 'others'. And Taka had never read a book with a gay main character.
Besides... Who had ever heard of a gay prime minister?
Who would even elect a gay prime minister?
(Not one out of three people, as Taka had learned one night, scanning through the notes he had taken on LGBT+ issues after Mondo had come out. One of three people would refuse to let him have a position like that, just on the basis of his sexuality alone. Taka could feel his dream slipping through his fingers, ungraspable and wet like water, and he had curled up in his chair, suddenly feeling cold. Because everything was a fraud. His dream job he had been working for his whole life. His supposedly 'guaranteed' future. His title of the 'Ultimate Moral Compass', with feelings that felt so deeply, incredibly immoral. His feelings for Mondo, compared to the ones men had for women. Frauds. Frauds. Frauds.)
(It was like he'd always thought. Being attracted to the same gender only made things harder.)
"You've been actin' weird," Mondo said, and Taka jumped in his place from the book he was 'reading' (when it was obvious to Mondo that he had just been vaguely looking at the pages and thinking about something else).
"Why would you say that?"
Mondo waved his phone. "I've been on my phone this whole time, and ya haven't said shit about-"
"Mondo!! Put that down, we are supposed to be studying!"
"There it is." Mondo felt a fond smile find his way onto his face, despite his own worry, because dammit, despite everything, he'd missed Taka's scolding the past few days. (That's how he knew he had it bad; when he missed Taka getting on his ass about the rules.) He shoved his phone back into his pocket. "Yeah, so, you're totally freaking the hell out about somethin' or other. So, out with it."
Taka's lip curled. "We have discussed previously that when studying for a test, we are to spend an hour studying, before a fifteen-minute break. It has not yet been an hour!"
"Yeah, and I'm sure you're learning a hell of a lot, starin' at that page while daydreamin'." Taka opened his mouth to protest, but Mondo interrupted with a wave of his hand. "Don't even try an' deny it, bro, I know that look when I see it."
Taka huffed, before glancing away. "I suppose, yes, I have been... Distracted recently."
"Exactly. So, like, if ya just word-vomit everythin' out at me, then ya can actually study, and get an A+ on the test, just like ya always do." Mondo felt like he was dangling a treat above a small animal, using a test grade to try and get Taka to talk. But, to be fair, he wasn't wrong! It was just that he was maybe less concerned about Taka's grades and more concerned about the huge-ass bags under Taka's eyes, and the lack of energy, and the constant zoning out. The punk probably would prioritize his test score more than his own health, though.
And it worked like a charm, because Taka slowly closed his book, before placing it in his lap. (Because he was sitting criss-cross applesauce like a dork.) He immediately went to fidgeting with his hands, and Mondo glanced around the immediate vicinity to see if there was a fidget toy he could toss him. "I suppose that it is true that it is possible my schoolwork may suffer... And most concerns I had could be answered by someone like you..."
After not seeing any fidgety things, Mondo looked back at Taka, and leaned back on his hand. "Oh, yeah?"
"Indeed!" Taka nodded, and his posture regained its confidence. "I have multiple questions I would like for you to answer!"
"Well, hopefully, I have multiple answers I would like you to consider," Mondo replied, echoing back Taka's speech pattern.
Taka drummed his hands against his textbook's cover, furrowing his brows and looking to the ceiling as he considered. "Well..." When he looked away from the ceiling, he was avoiding Mondo's gaze, but his voice and body language was still confident. "How can you manage to be proud, rather than ashamed?"
Mondo let his head naturally lean to one side, and he caught Taka biting back a grin, like he always did when he tilted his head. "Hah? Ya mean, like, 'bout being bi?"
Taka nodded firmly and hummed.
Mondo wanted to ask further questions, but he didn't wanna scare off Taka from opening up about whatever the hell was bugging him so bad. "I mean... I guess I was real fuckin' lucky, 'cause I grew up with, like, tons and tons of queer people. So there wasn't, like, any expectation. Ya know?"
"So you were never ashamed?"
Mondo found himself a bit nervous, his emotions and all that being put under a microscope, but he ignored it the best he could. "Uhhh, I mean, yeah, obviously, but never, like, so bad it fucked me up too bad-"
"How? Does it not feel wrong to be attracted to other men?"
Mondo furrowed his brows suddenly, and directed his glare to Taka, but he was still looking away. He took a deep breath. He's not being shitty on purpose, he reminded himself. He's just super fucking ignorant and needs you to teach him some stuff. (Although it was ironic that this question was coming from the man he was currently 'attracted' to.) Mondo started, "Again, yeah, obviously, sometimes, 'cause internalized homophobia's a whole bitch, but it doesn't happen often, or-"
"Aren't you worried the 'internalized homophobia' is correct?"
Mondo lowered his eyelids, getting ready to calmly tell Taka to lay the hell off. "Uh-"
"Because so many people are going to hate you!"
That one actually hurt, rather than just annoying him, and Mondo felt himself tense up. He curled his lip, trying to hold back on lashing out in retaliation. "Dude-!"
"After all, if you are with a man, it's going to be really hard on you!"
"TAKA!"
Taka jumped at the yelling, and finally looked at Mondo. "That was hardly necessary!"
"Yeah, it WAS! Dude, what the FUCK was that?! You really think all that shit 'bout dudes likin' dudes?! 'Bout it being right to be ashamed, 'bout it being wrong, 'bout everyone hating us?!"
"That's not what I-" Taka started, but shut himself down.
Because that was exactly what he had meant.
Mondo felt a sharp pain in his chest, but he refused to let it show, just standing up. "Bro, fuck this! If what's been buggin' ya so damn bad is you not likin' that I like dudes, then let it bug ya so bad it drives ya NUTS!!" He grabbed his stuff and stormed out of the dorm, and slammed the door behind him, just for the dramatic effect, and because he knew Taka hated it when he slammed doors.
Taka hadn't tried to stop him from leaving.
Mondo wished he didn't care so much.
Taka sat with Makoto the following weeks. It was difficult, as, with Makoto being basically everyone's friend, and there being an unspoken reserved seat for Togami, there wasn't much time to be able to grab an available seat next to him. But Taka would rather that then sitting alone. Or next to Mondo, after all those, in hindsight, terrible things he had asked him.
But, perhaps that was a blessing in disguise. A very... Painful blessing. As that gave him time to sort out his thoughts about his sexuality and, in turn, Mondo, without worrying Mondo again. (Even if, each time he saw Mondo brush past him in the hallway like he was nobody special, Taka got that pulling feeling in his chest, which he had now begun to recognize as yearning.)
A couple weeks into sitting with Makoto at lunch, Makoto offered to buy Taka something at a nearby fast food place. The way he had said it, Taka knew he was making it up on the fly. But, still, even if it was painfully unhealthy, it was still free food, and Taka still felt the echoes of the habits that came from growing up dirt-poor. One of which: never turn down someone trying to treat you.
Makoto had ended up walking Taka there, instead of calling a bus, which Taka had found odd, until he had suddenly said, "Uh, you... Really hurt Mondo's feelings. I told him I wouldn't tell you, but, uh... Yeah."
Taka was a little surprised that Mondo had told Makoto at all, before he remembered, oh yeah, Makoto was everyone's friend. "I know!" he replied, staring straight ahead. "And I am ashamed of my actions."
"Then why haven't you apologized to him? He's waiting for it."
"I am..." How does one say 'I am getting my gay crisis out of the way before I go back to being touchy-feely best friends with the man who made me start to have my gay crisis' without outing themselves? "... I am just figuring some things out!"
Makoto hummed to himself, and Taka hoped that would be the end of the conversation, but he was wrong.
"Byakuya said similar things to me, once," Makoto began, his voice slightly distant. "He said my family was likely to disown me, and he asked me how I had prepared for that possibility. But, ah... More Byakuya-like than the way I phrased it?" He chuckled. "Yeah... It was really bad. It turned out to be his weird, emotionally-distant way of confiding his worries in me and asking for advice for his worst case scenario without actually coming out."
Taka felt panic rising up his throat. Togami was gay. Closeted to most people, but gay. And Makoto's boyfriend. And he was drawing this parallel between him and Byakuya, and... And how he acted towards Mondo, and did he know, was his life already over-?!
"I think that you had good intentions, but worded your questions funnily," Makoto continued, and Taka felt the panic fade a bit, though it was still there. He was drawing parallels to Togami and Taka's intentions... Not their... Sexualities. Or feelings. "You were trying to ask genuine questions, but put them in a way Mondo didn't understand, like I didn't understand Byakuya at first. Uh, he's also autistic, so I thought there might be similarities 'cause of that? I dunno." He chuckled. "But, yeah. I don't think you're a bad person. Just that the words came out bad. So... When you're done 'figuring some things out', try and explain that to Mondo, okay? 'Cause he's not believing it from me."
"Yes! Thank you for your advice, Makoto!"
Taka ended up not being hungry by the time they got to eat, but he forced it all down anyway, because he never turned down someone trying to treat him.
It took a few days after that for Taka to be able to confront Mondo. And, even when he finally stood in front of his dorm room door, he felt his breath becoming shallow, and his head light. Because he knew it was going to be hard to explain why his actions were not ill-intentioned without outing himself. But Makoto told him Mondo was waiting for Taka to come back and apologize, and, as much as Taka tried to tell himself different, he couldn't properly sort through his recent discovery and the feelings about it without Mondo around to keep him feeling sane. He was the one Taka was in love with, but he was still Taka's best friend, and everything felt wrong without him.
Mondo barged into Taka's room without announcing himself, but Taka never did the same, so he simply knocked on the door, and forced himself to stay firmly put as he waited for Mondo to answer. When he did, Mondo's expression shifted from neutral to annoyed quickly. "About fuckin' time."
Taka nodded, not sure what else to do. He slipped inside Mondo's dorm without being invited in, which was awfully rude of him and didn't help his own case, but the walls in the dorms were soundproof, so, if Mondo started to yell, nobody else had to know what Taka had done.
"Ay!" Mondo slammed the door shut, and Taka bit back a quip about how that was bad for the door, before he followed Taka, standing right in front of him, and looking down. "I deserve a little more than a NOD and you bargin' into my ROOM after you said all that SHITTY stuff and then avoided me for a MONTH."
With Mondo so close to him, his mind flashed back to the dream he had, with Mondo just like this, pressing him into a wall and- no. Taka squeezed his eyes shut for a second, forcing those thoughts from his mind. Calm your perverted intentions for a few minutes, deviant! he internally scolded himself, before looking back up at Mondo. "Yes, you do."
Mondo made a few motions with his hands, Taka guesses just to let out some energy. "FUCK, dude!! I thought you had cut me OUT for likin' boys!!! Like, fuckin' disowned me as your friend or something, SHIT!!" Taka flinched a little bit. Looking back, that was probably what it seemed like, wasn't it...? "What the hell happened to 'soulbrothers', huh?! Does that shit not APPLY if one of 'em likes dudes, then you can just fuckin' up and LEAVE 'em?! I brought you to that event thing to make ya LESS shitty 'bout me being queer, but it only made ya even MORE shitty!! And I thought I could TRUST you to not even be a LITTLE BIT shitty!! FUCK, WHY AREN'T YOU AFRAID OF ME RIGHT NOW?!"
Taka blinked, and opened his mouth to explain, but Mondo made a snarl noise and he quickly shut it. He waited for Mondo to continue, but he looked like he was done, daring Taka to reply. After deciding Mondo had gotten everything out of his system, Taka began his response he had been scripting for all day. "I understand that it seemed as if I was being cruel to you due to your interest in- in men!" His stutter there was not helping his case. "But... I was merely attempting to ask questions, and they all came out in a way which I did not mean them to!"
Mondo leaned over Taka, exaggerating their height difference. "Oh, yeah? Yeah? You were just askin' QUESTIONS? Yeah, why the fuck do ya need to know if I feel ASHAMED and shit? Huh? Why the hell would ya need to KNOW that?!"
Here came the difficult part. Lying. Which Taka was... Not particularly skilled in. (First, attraction to men, now he was lying... He was soiling his title as a moral compass so badly because of this cursed realization!) "I was merely attempting to educate myself on the struggles of being in the LGBT+ community!"
"BullSHIT," Mondo growled, his eyes narrowing. "I saw all yer notes, you did all that on yer OWN!"
"Why were you looking at my notes?!"
"'Cause I was bored and you were outta yer room, dipshit, now don't avoid the fuckin' subject!!"
"I wanted a personal interview with someone who had first-hand-"
"Nah, nah, NAH, you've done yer 'personal interview' bullshit with me BEFORE, and ya ALWAYS bring a tape recorder to listen back to! Stop fuckin' LYIN', just admit you think I'm fuckin' GROSS!"
"I can't stop lying!! I can't tell you the truth!!" Taka's mind and mouth were on autopilot now, his conscious not fully aware of what he was saying, mostly just focusing on the burning tears in his eyes, because this would all be so much easier if he just didn't like men...
"WHY THE FUCK NOT?! You came here to apologize or whatever the SHIT but ya CAN'T EVEN TELL ME THE GODDAMN TRUTH?! Yer apology don't mean SHIT if you ain't TRUTHFUL 'bout it!! So TELL ME why the FUCK you said all that fucked-up SHIT!!"
Taka pressed his hands to his ears and squeezed his eyes shut, his chest tightening. "I really cannot tell you the truth, Mondo!"
"There ain't NOTHING WORSE that you can tell me than what I already FUCKIN' THINK it was, so fucking TELL ME!!"
"I WON'T!"
"I CAN'T!!"
"TELL ME WHY THE FUCK YOU TOLD ME I WAS WRONG FOR LIKIN' BOYS, THEN FUCKIN' LEFT ME!!!"
"BECAUSE I'M IN LOVE WITH YOU!!!"
That was a word Taka tried to stay away from. Even in his head. But it was all he could think.
He opened his eyes, and stared at the floor, unable to make himself look at Mondo's face. His hands trembled, still covering his ears, and he tried to talk but he couldn't get enough breath.
"... Ya... Love me?"
He couldn't run away, because Mondo was in front of the door. He felt the scorching-hot tears fall down his cheeks as he tried his hardest to just breathe, such a deceptively simple-seeming thing, to breathe. Because it was out, somebody knew, and it wasn't just somebody, it was Mondo, his best friend, and he couldn't turn back to before he was safe and cozy in the closet, because he knew, and his life was ruined. His life was ruined, his life was ruined, he was never going to get anything he had dreamed of and worked so hard for because he felt a disgusting version of what he should feel towards a woman towards a man, and it was one out of three, one out of three, one out of three, oneoutofthreeoneoutofthree-
He lurched into Mondo's chest without thinking, trying so hard to breathe as he wrapped his hands hard around his friend's waist, looking for something, anything to stabilize him. And Mondo squeezed him back, even harder, so hard that Taka felt himself unable to tremble, unable to have his body shake with the effort to calm down.
Taka, like usual, didn't know how much time had passed before his breaths deepened and the scared tears stopped coming, but the time came eventually. But he didn't want Mondo to let go of him. He didn't want to have to back away, and feel the heat of his skin fade away, and have to face his awkward expression. He'd rather stay there, in Mondo's arms, being kept safe. And Mondo let him. But he talked.
"SHIT- ME TOO- I MEAN-" Mondo tried again, repeating, "Me too, fuck," his voice quieter.
Despite himself, despite knowing that this couldn't happen, couldn't be a thing, Taka felt himself take in a sharp inhale and his eyes widen as his heart beat impossibly fast, but no longer from anxiety. He pressed his face harder into Mondo's chest for a moment, trying to hide his flushed face, but that immediately backfired and made his blushing worse (because Mondo's PECS, Lord help him).
"What is it we are going to do now?" Taka asked, feeling his voice go naturally quiet to match Mondo's volume.
"Uh, I dunno, was kinda hoping we COULD BE B- fuck, sorry, we could be boyfriends or... Something??"
Hearing the words made Taka want to cry again, but he was officially exhausted of crying and panicking. He could hardly even put most of the usual energy into his tone. "I cannot."
"Hah? Why not?"
Taka struggled to put his thoughts into words, his hands fisting Mondo's jacket. "My future- your future, too... If word gets out, the Ishimaru name... It'll only become more..."
"Ay. This ain't like yer grandfather's thing."
"But other people will see it to be like my 'grandfather's thing'. And... And it feels like it is. So... It's easier to just... Just pretend..."
"And what? Make yourself miserable and pretend yer whole life? That ain't worth it."
"A prime minister... With a wife and biological kids. That is the only future I have ever known. How am I supposed to accomplish everything I have been preparing for if one out of three people will not accept me as a leader, simply on the basis of my sexuality?"
"Hey." Mondo moved just enough so he could look Taka in the face, while still hugging him. "You're the smartest person I've ever known, ever. When ya practice yer speeches to me, I wanna believe what yer sayin'. You could say that the sky is red, and I would think, 'Yeah, that sounds about right.'" Taka chuckled, and Mondo grinned back. "S'like ya said, you've been preparing your whole life for this, and it really fuckin' shows. Yer gonna change a fuckton of minds, and I know that you're gonna accomplish yer dream, easy, even if you're-"
Taka bristled in his spot, his eyes widening with panic. "No, please-!" He looked away, embarrassed that he had panicked. "Please don't... Call me that."
"Are ya not? You bi like me?"
"No... No. I am not." He swallowed hard. "I am. I am what you were going to call me. But I- I don't want to say or... Hear..."
"A'ight. I get it."
"... Do you... Mean everything you said? About my dream?"
"Wouldn't have said it if I don't fuckin' believe it with my whole chest! And, like, I get it, I ain't tryna pressure you into dating me or whatever. But, fuck, I don't want you to make yourself miserable like ya always do! Not with this!"
Taka was about to protest the point about always making himself miserable, but he felt Mondo's hand in his hair, and he instantly forgot what he was going to say. He felt his face soften, and he didn't even try to stop it, staring up at Mondo's concerned expression, which he got the feeling he wasn't even trying to hide either.
"Yer always puttin' your future before yourself. For the 'greater good' of your life or whatever. But not everythin' ya do has to be for that! Just..." Mondo huffed, and rubbed his thumb along the back of Taka's neck. "What do you, as ya are now, want?"
The answer came easily. "I want you, Mondo!"
Mondo's face flushed until it was a bright red, and he moved his hand from the back of Taka's neck to his face, trying to hide his blush. "Fuck."
Taka grinned so hard that it hurt, and he knew that he probably had the biggest heart-eyes in the world at that moment, but he found it hard to care about that. "Ah..." His grin faded just slightly. "Please. If we are to become... Romantic partners! We must keep it a secret between us! Just... For now! Until I'm ready..."
Mondo let his hand fall from his face, even though he was still blushing, with a soft expression. "Yeah. 'Course."
Taka threw himself back firmly into Mondo's chest, giggling, and Mondo spun him around once, twice, both of them ending up laughing at the top of their lungs.
They sat together at lunch the next day, of course. But this time, the two of them kept the arm closer to the other at their side as they talked and ate, sometimes bumping their hands together.
After everyone had finished eating, and Leon was telling a story so nobody had to actively talk, Mondo bumped Taka's hand, deliberately brushing their fingers together. When Taka perked up and glanced at him, Mondo's face was getting redder, but he refused to look back. Taka grinned a bit, and brushed their fingers together himself, and Mondo immediately hid his face in his free hand, which made Taka's smile widen. They kept doing that, back and forth, until, eventually, Mondo locked their pinkies together. That actually made Taka blush, and he immediately glanced away from Mondo, avoiding his gaze, but didn't pull away. And he knew Mondo couldn't look at him, but he certainly wasn't pulling away either.
Their pinkies stayed locked underneath the table for the rest of lunch. A secret just for the two of them.
While Mondo and Taka left lunch together, Leon and Chihiro did, as well.
"I had never wanted to tease anyone so badly in my LIFE, Chi," Leon complained through gritted teeth, clenching his fists to exaggerate his point. "NEVER. I SWEAR."
Chihiro smiled thankfully. "I know. They are... Uh, obvious."
"Obvious doesn't even BEGIN to cover it! They practically had HEARTS over their heads!!!" Leon groaned. "I cannot BELIEVE I let you talk me into promising not to tease them!"
"You know why it's important that-"
"Yeah, yeah, coming out's an important step that someone's gotta take on their own, being outed can be traumatizing, act surprised when it happens, blah, blah, blah," Leon echoed, making a 'talking' motion with his hand. "But JESUS..." He rubbed his face.
"Hehe... If nothing else, it was sweet, though, wasn't it...?"
"So sweet that I nearly gagged." Leon stuck his tongue out. "Ugh, this is a pain. But, yeah, fine, whatever. Least Mondo's happy."
"That's the spirit!"
Mondo was able to switch it on and off easily, thankfully, but he did give Taka petnames. He'd instantly begun to imitate how other bikers referred to their sweethearts, calling Taka 'babe' the first chance he had gotten. Taka didn't do the same; he just called Mondo by his name over and over. He said he didn't want to cheat himself out of a single syllable anymore, after so long of just calling Mondo 'bro'. Which was so goddamn sweet it might-as-well have been a petname.
Obviously, Mondo wasn't about to let himself become sappy or nothing like that. It already felt sappy and vulnerable enough that he admitted he was in love with Taka. (Even if he didn't actually directly say the words a ton. Especially compared to Taka, who said 'I love you' sometimes just to see Mondo blush. Mondo was only really able to say it when Taka really needed to hear it from him. Otherwise, it was mostly 'me too's in response to Taka's declarations. If Taka noticed, he didn't say anything, and thank God for small favors.)
But, still, yeah. Sometimes, he slipped.
He was scrolling on his phone when he had noticed an advertisement for a book on a topic Taka was interested in. He perked up from where he was sitting, and called, "Hey, sugar, come check this out."
It took a long moment for Mondo to register why Taka's face had suddenly gone pink and a huge grin had spread across his face, but, when he did, he burst out into nervous laughter, his hand resting on the back of his neck. "THAT'S A NEW ONE, HUH?!"
Taka chuckled, and his blush faded. He got over embarrassment quickly, like he always did. "Yes! It definitely is, Mondo!"
Only Taka could make his name sound as sappy as 'my beloved' or some shit.
Gay men were sexual, predatory, and dangerous, and love between two men was nothing more than confusion or a defect. That was what Taka had been taught. There was only one type of love; between a man and a woman. And between a man and a woman, there were only a select few ways to show love; a kiss, or a wedding.
But Mondo was teaching him that there were so many ways to love. More ways than Taka had ever realized.
Love could be helping Mondo study to get his grades up, even when Taka knew the material like the back of his hand. Love could be Mondo putting on a helmet to stop Taka from worrying himself sick, even when he knew he'd get made fun of for it. Love could be patching Mondo up after a fight. Love could be Mondo reading out of Taka's favorite history textbook to help Taka sleep, even though Mondo hated history. And love could be Mondo chuckling and scratching the back of his head with a bright-red blush burning his cheeks, reminding Taka that, yes, Mondo was just as nervous, inexperienced, and in love as he was.
At its best, it felt warm. Warm, and comforting, and pure, the way only young love could feel. At its best, Taka felt like screaming at the top of his lungs that this wonderful man was his BOYFRIEND, that Mondo Oowada was in love with Kiyotaka Ishimaru, that they were in love with each other and they were so happy together, and isn't that so amazing?!
At its worst, it felt dirty. Dirty, and tainted, and dangerous. And Taka didn't even want Mondo to look at him during those times. And those times were hard, so hard, because he couldn't take back anything he had done. He couldn't un-love Mondo. And he wished he could go back to the time before he knew, so he could comfort himself with the image of his future as prime minister, with a wife and children, as certain as anything.
But, as days passed, he stopped looking away when other queer classmates talked about their identities. As weeks passed, he found himself able to chuckle along instead of flinching whenever Aoi cracked a joke about 'same-sex marriage not being legal yet, but Makoto and Togami are practically already married!' And, as months passed... The worst times came less.
He was finally in an environment where he didn't have to put up an act to be safe. And, sometimes, when he was feeling particularly confident, he imagined the day he would finally close the curtains on his act for the final time.
Mondo knew Taka sometimes struggled with the thought of love between dudes being 'dirty' or whatever. And yeah, he knew why. They lived in a society, or whatever the fuck. But one of the most 'wholesome' memories Mondo had, not only of their relationship, but just in general, was their first kiss.
It was when Mondo was walking Taka back from one of their 'dates that could pass as not a date if somebody asked', and Taka was rambling (no, wait, 'infodumping', that's the word Taka used for when autistic people did this) about politics; something he'd researched the other night, and the percentage of who believes what, and, oh, it's really quite facinating, Mondo! And Mondo had to be looking at Taka with the biggest loser heart-eyes in the world, watching him flap his hands and the bounce in his step as he walked, before he muttered out, "Fuck, I wanna kiss ya so bad."
He thought he had said it quietly enough that Taka wouldn't hear, but Taka stopped in his tracks and his face went red, so, yeah, mission failed. Before Mondo could start yelling out of nerves, Taka had taken him by his hand, and had started to drag him to the baseball park they had been passing by without a word, which was empty, due to the time. Taka pulled him behind and underneath the bleachers, and they were just big enough for Taka to sit comfortably, but Mondo had to bend his back over a bit in order to fit underneath.
Then Taka stared at him. And Mondo stared back.
Taka blushed again, his stare growing more intense. "Well, then, don't let me stop you!"
"Hah?"
Taka continued to look at him expectantly, pouting a bit now.
"... Oh! Agh- uh, I'VE NEVER DONE THIS BEFORE! I'M GONNA BE SHIT!" He swallowed and forced himself to take a breath. Down, boy. Calm down.
Taka's voice rose to match Mondo's in volume. "I DO NOT MIND!"
"Fuck." Mondo had to consciously make sure he wasn't yelling at the top of his damn lungs, and, even then, his voice was louder than usual. "Uh. Okay, then."
He flexed his fingers at his sides, before bringing his hands up to Taka's face, and he instantly leaned into it with a pleased little hum, and Jesus fuck, how was this boy so damn cute? How was his boy so damn cute?!
"M'gonna kiss you now!" Mondo blurted out.
Taka laughed. "Okay!"
Mondo ended up freezing up out of nerves only a few inches away from Taka, so Taka had to be the one to close the gap, making that pleased little humming sound again. And, Mondo didn't know about Taka, but this was his first kiss (because he was an actual fucking disaster at romance, how the fuck did he manage to woo Taka?!), so he just kind of went with his gut and did what felt good. He tried to pull away after a few seconds, too nervous, but Taka fucking followed him, and made a little upset almost-whine noise when their lips parted, and he was so damn cute that Mondo went back and kissed Taka first this time. After the second kiss, though, Mondo managed to pull himself away for good this time, and, thank God, because that could have kept going on for forever, and Mondo would like to have dinner sometimes this week.
The two of them stared at each other, and, thankfully, this time Mondo wasn't the only one blushing like a moron.
"... Okay," Mondo eventually said.
"Okay," Taka parroted back.
Mondo snorted, Taka giggled, and then they both started laughing, leaning onto each other, pecking kisses onto each other's lips in the spaces in between bouts of laughter.
Mondo didn't have dinner until really late that night.
Mondo felt like kinda a fraud sometimes. Taka always went on and on about how amazing and inspirational he was for being so proud, which was a concept that, despite everything, Taka still had trouble grasping. But, nah. He still hadn't actually come out to everyone important in his life. And, yeah. Maybe he wanted Taka to be there, to show him it wasn't that bad and reassure him and shit.
"Would ya ever wanna meet my gang?" Mondo asked one day.
Taka furrowed his eyebrows, then glanced away, before smiling awkwardly. "Are they... Like you...?"
Yeah, that translated to 'are they delinquent troublemakers or can I actually trust them'. Mondo waved a hand. "Don't worry, they only treated Daiya's girls with the upmost respect. Somethin' about a king's queen bein' treated well, too."
"Wait. It would be as your... Partner?"
"Uh, yeah. S'what I had in mind. Ya don't gotta, obviously."
Mondo expected Taka to totally shoot down the idea with no hesitation once he knew that. So he was surprised when Taka paused. "... They... Know you like men. Yes?"
Mondo sucked in air through his teeth, before going into, "Well, 'know' is a bit of a strong word-"
"Mondo."
"I knowww, babe, but they were Daiya's gang! And Daiya was, like, super cool with queer shit! And they're all punk as hell, and that shit, is like, the gayest movement ever!"
Taka paused again. "They do not know anyone from our school. Correct?"
"Just me, baby."
Taka looked away, considerate, before muttering, "Perhaps... That could be alright... As a first time. So long as they don't tell anyone..." He looked back to Mondo. "I am just surprised you are not out to everyone!"
Mondo gave Taka a lopsided grin. "Yeah... The fear fades. But it never completely goes away, I guess."
"Yes it does! Watch this!" Taka leaned over and pressed a kiss to Mondo's cheek.
"FUCK YEAH!" Mondo threw his hands up and jumped to his feet, going along with Taka's joke. "I'M GONNA GO SCREAM FROM THE SCHOOL'S ROOFTOP ABOUT HOW FUCKIN' BI I AM!! WHOO!!"
He hurt his throat a bit from how loud he yelled, but, yeah, it was worth it to see Taka laugh so loud he snorted.
As it turned out, 'perhaps that could be alright' translated to a few months later, time-wise, while they were on vacation. After Taka had managed to scrounge up the money to buy every fuckin' gang member a goddamn helmet and fit them all in a backpack. Because of course he had to. (But Mondo only thought that in the fondest way imaginable.)
Because of that 'trying to fit over 10 helmets into a bag' venture, Mondo was a bit late to the Crazy Diamond's meeting, and, while that was nothing particularly new, that meant that everyone else was there, so they didn't have any excuse to wait before introducing Taka as Mondo's boyfriend. And Mondo knew that Taka knew this because, when he tried to get off his motorcycle, he couldn't, because Taka was gripping his middle so hard. He nudged him softly, and Taka jerked back, holding his hands up. "Sorry!"
Mondo snickered, but Taka's apology had gotten all eyes on him while Mondo went to park his motorcycle. "Ay, who's the funny little man?" one of the gang members barked at Mondo's back as he took off his helmet.
Before Taka could start rambling, Mondo came up from behind him and wrapped his arm around his shoulder. Taka brought his own arm to wrap around Mondo's in return, grinning, before his gaze returned to the group of scary-ass gang members staring at him put his hands on their leader, and his grin turned too-wide and panicked.
Oh, yeah, that reminded him. "Y'all better treat 'im with RESPECT, a'ight?! The king's guest gets treated as well as the king, yeah?! And-" He gave a quick glance to Taka, with a questioning look. Taka was prepared for it, because he nodded, even though he looked so nervous he would just about pass out. Just in case of that, he tightened his grip around Taka's shoulders, before continuing, "Especially because this funny little man is my funny little boyfriend!" And, even if Taka's nervousness was a little contagious, he couldn't keep the pride out of his voice, because how could he not?
As he had expected (and, come to think of it, probably should have warned Taka about) the gang members all jumped to get closer, surrounding the two, and staring at Taka with a critical eye, as they had done with Daiya's girlfriends. The sudden movements spooked Taka so bad he jumped, and he bowed quickly. "Hello! I am Kiyotaka Ishimaru, but you may call me Taka! I am very pleased to meet you all!" He perked up. "Oh!! And I came bearing gifts!" He placed his backpack onto the ground, and brought out one of the many helmets for examination. "Mondo told you all do not follow proper motorcycle safety! So, to go with the one I got for Mondo, I got one for each of you! They even have each of your initials on them inside so they will not get mixed up with each other's!"
They all continued to stare for a good moment; half of them at Taka, and half of them at the helmet he was holding; before, eventually, one of them said, in a questioning tone, "Mom of the Crazy Diamonds?"
"... Pardon?" Taka said, with a tiny, nervous smile.
"Mom of the Crazy Diamonds!" another gang member agreed, with a nod and a grin.
"... Wait, no-"
But the gang had burst into discussion already about their new 'mom', before Taka could retract his title.
Mondo laughed, and slung his arm around Taka's shoulder. "Relax, babe, they like ya!!"
"But- but I don't want to be a 'parent' of a biking gang!!"
"Well, maybe ya should've thought about that before fallin' in love with biking gang leader!"
Taka hummed nervously, apparently forgetting his worries about coming out for the first time in favor of his worries about being the honorary 'mom' of a gang.
... Oh, yeah. They'd both just come out, hadn't they?
Mondo grinned, and squeezed Taka's shoulder. "So, that wasn't as bad as ya thought it was, yeah?"
"What wasn't as-? Oh." Taka's expression turned to one of shock, then happiness. "Oh!!" He started to bounce on his heels. "Oh!! Mondo! I just came out! And it was on purpose this time!!"
"Fuck yeah, sure was!"
Mondo chuckled as Taka pressed his head up underneath his, snuggling up underneath his chin, before he suddenly backed away, looking at Mondo with both hands on Mondo's arms. "Oh!! Are you alright? It was my first time coming out, but they are your gang!"
"I'm fine! Ya don't gotta worry 'bout me."
He was more than fine. Because he couldn't shake the feeling that the Crazy Diamonds accepting him felt a lot like... Like his big brother was accepting him, somehow. But if he tried to say that, or explain it, he knew he'd start crying, and probably really obnoxiously loudly, so he decided to save it for later.
"Ay, what about you? Was worried you were going to pass out there for a sec."
Taka's grin got even wider, and, as intense as the red of his eyes was, in that moment, it was easily overshadowed by the happiness reflected in them.
"I've never felt more at peace with myself."
Y'ALL WERE SO NICE IN THE COMMENTS OF THE LAST CHAPTER??? Excuse me while I just??? Cry??????
So, anyways, back on track! This was my first time writing these characters, and also my first multichapter fanfiction in over 5 years, but I worked a ton on it so I hope you all enjoyed! Leave a comment, so on and so forth, you guys know the drill.
Oh, and if anyone is looking through the 'internalized homophobia' tag to cope with their own internalized homophobia, like I do sometimes? I see you, I care about you, and who you love is not a bad thing. Learning pride is hard, but you'll get there eventually!
Redamancy (n.) The act of loving someone who loves you
When Taka and Mondo are walking to their respective dorms to go to sleep after the pride event, side by side, Taka feels Mondo continuously glancing at him, concerned. Taka looks back at him, questioning.
"Feeling all good now, bro?" Mondo asks, with that half-smile he did when he was trying to hide worry. "Not all freaked out 'bout your sensory stuff?"
Taka nods in response.
"Can ya talk to me, then?"
He hasn't felt like he has the energy to talk since he asked Mondo to bring him home. Taka shakes his head after taking a moment to consider.
Mondo furrows his eyebrows, then begins to look straight ahead. "Can I just ramble for a bit, then?"
Taka makes a 'mmhmm' noise.
"Cool." Mondo stops suddenly, and begins to lean onto one of the walls of the school. Taka stops and faces him, and he would like to ask why he stopped if he can just talk while they are walking, but, again, he has little to no energy to speak.
Mondo tilts his head, and, despite himself, Taka grins a little bit, because every time Mondo does that, Taka pictures the tiny dogs Mondo loves so much doing the same. "Ya look stressed. Like, really, stupid-stressed. Even if ya say that yer done with your sensory freakout."
Taka's gaze naturally shifts to his shoes. Even if he could speak, he would not want to have to explain, 'Why, yes, my good friend Mondo, I had my gay awakening in your arms less than an hour ago, so, as you can imagine, I am mildly upset.'
"I know ya can't talk, but, shit. Can ya tell me what's wrong in any other way?" Mondo stands up straight, no longer leaning against the wall.
Taka shakes his head.
Mondo takes a few steps closer, and Taka naturally takes a few steps backwards. "Ya sure?"
Taka nods, still stepping back as Mondo grows closer, and his back hits the wall opposite to where Mondo was leaning a few seconds ago. He looks up, and Mondo is so close, looming over him, and Taka gulps, and he can only hope that it wasn't audible.
"'Kay." Mondo's voice is quieter now, and Taka is trying to calm himself, and not pass out from all the blood in his body running to flush his face, not die of a heart attack. And that was not helped when Mondo placed one hand to rest on the wall, and the other to touch Taka's cheek. Taka naturally jumps and gasps softly, and there was no way that one was not audible.
"Ya don't gotta say anythin' for me to know what's on yer mind."
Taka jumps a bit in place again, but naturally relaxes when he feels his face being guided forward and up, and he really is worried he's going to pass out now, he's shaking all over because this is so much and he shuts his eyes tight and Mondo is kissing him, he's kissing Mondo, and everything is-
Taka bolted awake with a stifled whine the day after the pride event, and he found that he had never disliked the sound of his alarm clock more. Out of muscle memory, he slapped the 'off' button on it, and he considered (for about 2 seconds) letting himself stay in bed for just five more minutes. But he knew what a slippery slope the 'just five more minutes' excuse was, so he forced himself out of bed to prepare for the school day.
He used to scoff to himself at the thought of 'mental health days'. He hardly let himself miss school when he was physically sick. Lately, he had been loosening up a bit on the idea; mostly thanks to Mondo, and his... Whatever he had that made him curl up in bed for days on end and refuse to even look at his motorcycle. Even so, though... This was the first time Taka had understood the benifits of the idea. There was no way he was going to be able to properly focus in this state! Sleep-deprived and far too in his own head for his own good.
Thank goodness he was a good actor, at least. He didn't want to worry anyone with his absentmindedness!
Chihiro learned, the day after pride, that Taka was a terrible actor.
Just like Mondo, he was not nearly as subtle as he clearly thought he was. Both of them wore their hearts on their sleeves, to some extent; although with Taka, that was sometimes on purpose. Mondo's yelling was his dead give-away. For Taka, everyone seemed to instantly pick up on how he kept staring at one spot rather than the teacher in class, clearly daydreaming rather than paying attention, which was something he got onto others about. That was a sign of him being 'off'. But the reason why he was so 'off' was made painfully clear at lunch time that day, where Chihiro kept smiling and rolling her eyes to herself at Taka staring at Mondo's lips while he talked.
She'd be a little annoyed that they hadn't asked each other out yet and instead made her pretend to not notice their obvious pining, if it wasn't so darn cute to see her friends being so head-over-heels for each other.
But, each time Taka stared at Mondo as he talked, he would always suddenly tear his eyes away when he remembered himself, and, each time, Chihiro was instantly hit with an overwhelming sense of being ashamed in Taka's body language and expression. She could take a few wild guesses as to why he was ashamed, and all of them hurt her heart. A part of her wished she was stronger, right now, instead of working towards it gradually. She could help Taka then. Be the older (not in years, but in time in the community) queer person that she hadn't had, for him.
But, if she knew anything about her time in the closet, it was that when people tried to force her out before she was ready, she would run back in even deeper than she was before. Besides, she was still... Incredibly shy. And somewhat awkward...
The decision to let Taka come out of the closet at his own pace came easily. If he couldn't hide his obvious romantic feelings and internal struggling for beans, the least she could do was pretend to be shocked when he came out.
Taka's future had been decided for him at a young age. He would get married to a nice woman, have 1-3 biological children, and eventually become prime minister. Just like everyone wanted of him. Just like everyone expected of him. Even if he did feel a little jumpy if he thought about it too hard... Like everything else, it had seemed inevitable. Like there was no other choice. There was a comfort in that inevitability. Other people were gay, but that was other people, not him.
But... When he was finally in an environment where he didn't have to put up an act to be safe; a place where it was treated as a normal thing to ask, it hit him. The second he allowed himself to even consider it.
It seemed so obvious, reminiscing. It was like when he read a book, got to a plot twist, then, when he read the book a second time, he realizes all the now-clear foreshadowing. But it had taken Taka's whole life just to even allow himself to ask. Because everyone was the main character of their own story. And gay people were the 'others'. And Taka had never read a book with a gay main character.
Besides... Who had ever heard of a gay prime minister?
Who would even elect a gay prime minister?
(Not one out of three people, as Taka had learned one night, scanning through the notes he had taken on LGBT+ issues after Mondo had come out. One of three people would refuse to let him have a position like that, just on the basis of his sexuality alone. Taka could feel his dream slipping through his fingers, ungraspable and wet like water, and he had curled up in his chair, suddenly feeling cold. Because everything was a fraud. His dream job he had been working for his whole life. His supposedly 'guaranteed' future. His title of the 'Ultimate Moral Compass', with feelings that felt so deeply, incredibly immoral. His feelings for Mondo, compared to the ones men had for women. Frauds. Frauds. Frauds.)
(It was like he'd always thought. Being attracted to the same gender only made things harder.)
"You've been actin' weird," Mondo said, and Taka jumped in his place from the book he was 'reading' (when it was obvious to Mondo that he had just been vaguely looking at the pages and thinking about something else).
"Why would you say that?"
Mondo waved his phone. "I've been on my phone this whole time, and ya haven't said shit about-"
"Mondo!! Put that down, we are supposed to be studying!"
"There it is." Mondo felt a fond smile find his way onto his face, despite his own worry, because dammit, despite everything, he'd missed Taka's scolding the past few days. (That's how he knew he had it bad; when he missed Taka getting on his ass about the rules.) He shoved his phone back into his pocket. "Yeah, so, you're totally freaking the hell out about somethin' or other. So, out with it."
Taka's lip curled. "We have discussed previously that when studying for a test, we are to spend an hour studying, before a fifteen-minute break. It has not yet been an hour!"
"Yeah, and I'm sure you're learning a hell of a lot, starin' at that page while daydreamin'." Taka opened his mouth to protest, but Mondo interrupted with a wave of his hand. "Don't even try an' deny it, bro, I know that look when I see it."
Taka huffed, before glancing away. "I suppose, yes, I have been... Distracted recently."
"Exactly. So, like, if ya just word-vomit everythin' out at me, then ya can actually study, and get an A+ on the test, just like ya always do." Mondo felt like he was dangling a treat above a small animal, using a test grade to try and get Taka to talk. But, to be fair, he wasn't wrong! It was just that he was maybe less concerned about Taka's grades and more concerned about the huge-ass bags under Taka's eyes, and the lack of energy, and the constant zoning out. The punk probably would prioritize his test score more than his own health, though.
And it worked like a charm, because Taka slowly closed his book, before placing it in his lap. (Because he was sitting criss-cross applesauce like a dork.) He immediately went to fidgeting with his hands, and Mondo glanced around the immediate vicinity to see if there was a fidget toy he could toss him. "I suppose that it is true that it is possible my schoolwork may suffer... And most concerns I had could be answered by someone like you..."
After not seeing any fidgety things, Mondo looked back at Taka, and leaned back on his hand. "Oh, yeah?"
"Indeed!" Taka nodded, and his posture regained its confidence. "I have multiple questions I would like for you to answer!"
"Well, hopefully, I have multiple answers I would like you to consider," Mondo replied, echoing back Taka's speech pattern.
Taka drummed his hands against his textbook's cover, furrowing his brows and looking to the ceiling as he considered. "Well..." When he looked away from the ceiling, he was avoiding Mondo's gaze, but his voice and body language was still confident. "How can you manage to be proud, rather than ashamed?"
Mondo let his head naturally lean to one side, and he caught Taka biting back a grin, like he always did when he tilted his head. "Hah? Ya mean, like, 'bout being bi?"
Taka nodded firmly and hummed.
Mondo wanted to ask further questions, but he didn't wanna scare off Taka from opening up about whatever the hell was bugging him so bad. "I mean... I guess I was real fuckin' lucky, 'cause I grew up with, like, tons and tons of queer people. So there wasn't, like, any expectation. Ya know?"
"So you were never ashamed?"
Mondo found himself a bit nervous, his emotions and all that being put under a microscope, but he ignored it the best he could. "Uhhh, I mean, yeah, obviously, but never, like, so bad it fucked me up too bad-"
"How? Does it not feel wrong to be attracted to other men?"
Mondo furrowed his brows suddenly, and directed his glare to Taka, but he was still looking away. He took a deep breath. He's not being shitty on purpose, he reminded himself. He's just super fucking ignorant and needs you to teach him some stuff. (Although it was ironic that this question was coming from the man he was currently 'attracted' to.) Mondo started, "Again, yeah, obviously, sometimes, 'cause internalized homophobia's a whole bitch, but it doesn't happen often, or-"
"Aren't you worried the 'internalized homophobia' is correct?"
Mondo lowered his eyelids, getting ready to calmly tell Taka to lay the hell off. "Uh-"
"Because so many people are going to hate you!"
That one actually hurt, rather than just annoying him, and Mondo felt himself tense up. He curled his lip, trying to hold back on lashing out in retaliation. "Dude-!"
"After all, if you are with a man, it's going to be really hard on you!"
"TAKA!"
Taka jumped at the yelling, and finally looked at Mondo. "That was hardly necessary!"
"Yeah, it WAS! Dude, what the FUCK was that?! You really think all that shit 'bout dudes likin' dudes?! 'Bout it being right to be ashamed, 'bout it being wrong, 'bout everyone hating us?!"
"That's not what I-" Taka started, but shut himself down.
Because that was exactly what he had meant.
Mondo felt a sharp pain in his chest, but he refused to let it show, just standing up. "Bro, fuck this! If what's been buggin' ya so damn bad is you not likin' that I like dudes, then let it bug ya so bad it drives ya NUTS!!" He grabbed his stuff and stormed out of the dorm, and slammed the door behind him, just for the dramatic effect, and because he knew Taka hated it when he slammed doors.
Taka hadn't tried to stop him from leaving.
Mondo wished he didn't care so much.
Taka sat with Makoto the following weeks. It was difficult, as, with Makoto being basically everyone's friend, and there being an unspoken reserved seat for Togami, there wasn't much time to be able to grab an available seat next to him. But Taka would rather that then sitting alone. Or next to Mondo, after all those, in hindsight, terrible things he had asked him.
But, perhaps that was a blessing in disguise. A very... Painful blessing. As that gave him time to sort out his thoughts about his sexuality and, in turn, Mondo, without worrying Mondo again. (Even if, each time he saw Mondo brush past him in the hallway like he was nobody special, Taka got that pulling feeling in his chest, which he had now begun to recognize as yearning.)
A couple weeks into sitting with Makoto at lunch, Makoto offered to buy Taka something at a nearby fast food place. The way he had said it, Taka knew he was making it up on the fly. But, still, even if it was painfully unhealthy, it was still free food, and Taka still felt the echoes of the habits that came from growing up dirt-poor. One of which: never turn down someone trying to treat you.
Makoto had ended up walking Taka there, instead of calling a bus, which Taka had found odd, until he had suddenly said, "Uh, you... Really hurt Mondo's feelings. I told him I wouldn't tell you, but, uh... Yeah."
Taka was a little surprised that Mondo had told Makoto at all, before he remembered, oh yeah, Makoto was everyone's friend. "I know!" he replied, staring straight ahead. "And I am ashamed of my actions."
"Then why haven't you apologized to him? He's waiting for it."
"I am..." How does one say 'I am getting my gay crisis out of the way before I go back to being touchy-feely best friends with the man who made me start to have my gay crisis' without outing themselves? "... I am just figuring some things out!"
Makoto hummed to himself, and Taka hoped that would be the end of the conversation, but he was wrong.
"Byakuya said similar things to me, once," Makoto began, his voice slightly distant. "He said my family was likely to disown me, and he asked me how I had prepared for that possibility. But, ah... More Byakuya-like than the way I phrased it?" He chuckled. "Yeah... It was really bad. It turned out to be his weird, emotionally-distant way of confiding his worries in me and asking for advice for his worst case scenario without actually coming out."
Taka felt panic rising up his throat. Togami was gay. Closeted to most people, but gay. And Makoto's boyfriend. And he was drawing this parallel between him and Byakuya, and... And how he acted towards Mondo, and did he know, was his life already over-?!
"I think that you had good intentions, but worded your questions funnily," Makoto continued, and Taka felt the panic fade a bit, though it was still there. He was drawing parallels to Togami and Taka's intentions... Not their... Sexualities. Or feelings. "You were trying to ask genuine questions, but put them in a way Mondo didn't understand, like I didn't understand Byakuya at first. Uh, he's also autistic, so I thought there might be similarities 'cause of that? I dunno." He chuckled. "But, yeah. I don't think you're a bad person. Just that the words came out bad. So... When you're done 'figuring some things out', try and explain that to Mondo, okay? 'Cause he's not believing it from me."
"Yes! Thank you for your advice, Makoto!"
Taka ended up not being hungry by the time they got to eat, but he forced it all down anyway, because he never turned down someone trying to treat him.
It took a few days after that for Taka to be able to confront Mondo. And, even when he finally stood in front of his dorm room door, he felt his breath becoming shallow, and his head light. Because he knew it was going to be hard to explain why his actions were not ill-intentioned without outing himself. But Makoto told him Mondo was waiting for Taka to come back and apologize, and, as much as Taka tried to tell himself different, he couldn't properly sort through his recent discovery and the feelings about it without Mondo around to keep him feeling sane. He was the one Taka was in love with, but he was still Taka's best friend, and everything felt wrong without him.
Mondo barged into Taka's room without announcing himself, but Taka never did the same, so he simply knocked on the door, and forced himself to stay firmly put as he waited for Mondo to answer. When he did, Mondo's expression shifted from neutral to annoyed quickly. "About fuckin' time."
Taka nodded, not sure what else to do. He slipped inside Mondo's dorm without being invited in, which was awfully rude of him and didn't help his own case, but the walls in the dorms were soundproof, so, if Mondo started to yell, nobody else had to know what Taka had done.
"Ay!" Mondo slammed the door shut, and Taka bit back a quip about how that was bad for the door, before he followed Taka, standing right in front of him, and looking down. "I deserve a little more than a NOD and you bargin' into my ROOM after you said all that SHITTY stuff and then avoided me for a MONTH."
With Mondo so close to him, his mind flashed back to the dream he had, with Mondo just like this, pressing him into a wall and- no. Taka squeezed his eyes shut for a second, forcing those thoughts from his mind. Calm your perverted intentions for a few minutes, deviant! he internally scolded himself, before looking back up at Mondo. "Yes, you do."
Mondo made a few motions with his hands, Taka guesses just to let out some energy. "FUCK, dude!! I thought you had cut me OUT for likin' boys!!! Like, fuckin' disowned me as your friend or something, SHIT!!" Taka flinched a little bit. Looking back, that was probably what it seemed like, wasn't it...? "What the hell happened to 'soulbrothers', huh?! Does that shit not APPLY if one of 'em likes dudes, then you can just fuckin' up and LEAVE 'em?! I brought you to that event thing to make ya LESS shitty 'bout me being queer, but it only made ya even MORE shitty!! And I thought I could TRUST you to not even be a LITTLE BIT shitty!! FUCK, WHY AREN'T YOU AFRAID OF ME RIGHT NOW?!"
Taka blinked, and opened his mouth to explain, but Mondo made a snarl noise and he quickly shut it. He waited for Mondo to continue, but he looked like he was done, daring Taka to reply. After deciding Mondo had gotten everything out of his system, Taka began his response he had been scripting for all day. "I understand that it seemed as if I was being cruel to you due to your interest in- in men!" His stutter there was not helping his case. "But... I was merely attempting to ask questions, and they all came out in a way which I did not mean them to!"
Mondo leaned over Taka, exaggerating their height difference. "Oh, yeah? Yeah? You were just askin' QUESTIONS? Yeah, why the fuck do ya need to know if I feel ASHAMED and shit? Huh? Why the hell would ya need to KNOW that?!"
Here came the difficult part. Lying. Which Taka was... Not particularly skilled in. (First, attraction to men, now he was lying... He was soiling his title as a moral compass so badly because of this cursed realization!) "I was merely attempting to educate myself on the struggles of being in the LGBT+ community!"
"BullSHIT," Mondo growled, his eyes narrowing. "I saw all yer notes, you did all that on yer OWN!"
"Why were you looking at my notes?!"
"'Cause I was bored and you were outta yer room, dipshit, now don't avoid the fuckin' subject!!"
"I wanted a personal interview with someone who had first-hand-"
"Nah, nah, NAH, you've done yer 'personal interview' bullshit with me BEFORE, and ya ALWAYS bring a tape recorder to listen back to! Stop fuckin' LYIN', just admit you think I'm fuckin' GROSS!"
"I can't stop lying!! I can't tell you the truth!!" Taka's mind and mouth were on autopilot now, his conscious not fully aware of what he was saying, mostly just focusing on the burning tears in his eyes, because this would all be so much easier if he just didn't like men...
"WHY THE FUCK NOT?! You came here to apologize or whatever the SHIT but ya CAN'T EVEN TELL ME THE GODDAMN TRUTH?! Yer apology don't mean SHIT if you ain't TRUTHFUL 'bout it!! So TELL ME why the FUCK you said all that fucked-up SHIT!!"
Taka pressed his hands to his ears and squeezed his eyes shut, his chest tightening. "I really cannot tell you the truth, Mondo!"
"There ain't NOTHING WORSE that you can tell me than what I already FUCKIN' THINK it was, so fucking TELL ME!!"
"I WON'T!"
"TELL ME WHY THE FUCK YOU SAID THAT!!"
"I CAN'T!!"
"TELL ME WHY THE FUCK YOU TOLD ME I WAS WRONG FOR LIKIN' BOYS, THEN FUCKIN' LEFT ME!!!"
"BECAUSE I'M IN LOVE WITH YOU!!!"
... Fuck.
That was a word Taka tried to stay away from. Even in his head. But it was all he could think.
He opened his eyes, and stared at the floor, unable to make himself look at Mondo's face. His hands trembled, still covering his ears, and he tried to talk but he couldn't get enough breath.
"... Ya... Love me?"
Fuck, fuck, fuck, fuck, FUCK.
He couldn't run away, because Mondo was in front of the door. He felt the scorching-hot tears fall down his cheeks as he tried his hardest to just breathe, such a deceptively simple-seeming thing, to breathe. Because it was out, somebody knew, and it wasn't just somebody, it was Mondo, his best friend, and he couldn't turn back to before he was safe and cozy in the closet, because he knew, and his life was ruined. His life was ruined, his life was ruined, he was never going to get anything he had dreamed of and worked so hard for because he felt a disgusting version of what he should feel towards a woman towards a man, and it was one out of three, one out of three, one out of three, oneoutofthreeoneoutofthree-
He lurched into Mondo's chest without thinking, trying so hard to breathe as he wrapped his hands hard around his friend's waist, looking for something, anything to stabilize him. And Mondo squeezed him back, even harder, so hard that Taka felt himself unable to tremble, unable to have his body shake with the effort to calm down.
Pressure... Firm... Stable... Mondo... Safe.
Safe. Safe. Safe.
I don't have to put up an act to be safe.
Taka, like usual, didn't know how much time had passed before his breaths deepened and the scared tears stopped coming, but the time came eventually. But he didn't want Mondo to let go of him. He didn't want to have to back away, and feel the heat of his skin fade away, and have to face his awkward expression. He'd rather stay there, in Mondo's arms, being kept safe. And Mondo let him. But he talked.
"SHIT- ME TOO- I MEAN-" Mondo tried again, repeating, "Me too, fuck," his voice quieter.
Despite himself, despite knowing that this couldn't happen, couldn't be a thing, Taka felt himself take in a sharp inhale and his eyes widen as his heart beat impossibly fast, but no longer from anxiety. He pressed his face harder into Mondo's chest for a moment, trying to hide his flushed face, but that immediately backfired and made his blushing worse (because Mondo's PECS, Lord help him).
"What is it we are going to do now?" Taka asked, feeling his voice go naturally quiet to match Mondo's volume.
"Uh, I dunno, was kinda hoping we COULD BE B- fuck, sorry, we could be boyfriends or... Something??"
Hearing the words made Taka want to cry again, but he was officially exhausted of crying and panicking. He could hardly even put most of the usual energy into his tone. "I cannot."
"Hah? Why not?"
Taka struggled to put his thoughts into words, his hands fisting Mondo's jacket. "My future- your future, too... If word gets out, the Ishimaru name... It'll only become more..."
"Ay. This ain't like yer grandfather's thing."
"But other people will see it to be like my 'grandfather's thing'. And... And it feels like it is. So... It's easier to just... Just pretend..."
"And what? Make yourself miserable and pretend yer whole life? That ain't worth it."
"A prime minister... With a wife and biological kids. That is the only future I have ever known. How am I supposed to accomplish everything I have been preparing for if one out of three people will not accept me as a leader, simply on the basis of my sexuality?"
"Hey." Mondo moved just enough so he could look Taka in the face, while still hugging him. "You're the smartest person I've ever known, ever. When ya practice yer speeches to me, I wanna believe what yer sayin'. You could say that the sky is red, and I would think, 'Yeah, that sounds about right.'" Taka chuckled, and Mondo grinned back. "S'like ya said, you've been preparing your whole life for this, and it really fuckin' shows. Yer gonna change a fuckton of minds, and I know that you're gonna accomplish yer dream, easy, even if you're-"
Taka bristled in his spot, his eyes widening with panic. "No, please-!" He looked away, embarrassed that he had panicked. "Please don't... Call me that."
"Are ya not? You bi like me?"
"No... No. I am not." He swallowed hard. "I am. I am what you were going to call me. But I- I don't want to say or... Hear..."
"A'ight. I get it."
"... Do you... Mean everything you said? About my dream?"
"Wouldn't have said it if I don't fuckin' believe it with my whole chest! And, like, I get it, I ain't tryna pressure you into dating me or whatever. But, fuck, I don't want you to make yourself miserable like ya always do! Not with this!"
Taka was about to protest the point about always making himself miserable, but he felt Mondo's hand in his hair, and he instantly forgot what he was going to say. He felt his face soften, and he didn't even try to stop it, staring up at Mondo's concerned expression, which he got the feeling he wasn't even trying to hide either.
"Yer always puttin' your future before yourself. For the 'greater good' of your life or whatever. But not everythin' ya do has to be for that! Just..." Mondo huffed, and rubbed his thumb along the back of Taka's neck. "What do you, as ya are now, want?"
The answer came easily. "I want you, Mondo!"
Mondo's face flushed until it was a bright red, and he moved his hand from the back of Taka's neck to his face, trying to hide his blush. "Fuck."
Taka grinned so hard that it hurt, and he knew that he probably had the biggest heart-eyes in the world at that moment, but he found it hard to care about that. "Ah..." His grin faded just slightly. "Please. If we are to become... Romantic partners! We must keep it a secret between us! Just... For now! Until I'm ready..."
Mondo let his hand fall from his face, even though he was still blushing, with a soft expression. "Yeah. 'Course."
Taka threw himself back firmly into Mondo's chest, giggling, and Mondo spun him around once, twice, both of them ending up laughing at the top of their lungs.
They sat together at lunch the next day, of course. But this time, the two of them kept the arm closer to the other at their side as they talked and ate, sometimes bumping their hands together.
After everyone had finished eating, and Leon was telling a story so nobody had to actively talk, Mondo bumped Taka's hand, deliberately brushing their fingers together. When Taka perked up and glanced at him, Mondo's face was getting redder, but he refused to look back. Taka grinned a bit, and brushed their fingers together himself, and Mondo immediately hid his face in his free hand, which made Taka's smile widen. They kept doing that, back and forth, until, eventually, Mondo locked their pinkies together. That actually made Taka blush, and he immediately glanced away from Mondo, avoiding his gaze, but didn't pull away. And he knew Mondo couldn't look at him, but he certainly wasn't pulling away either.
Their pinkies stayed locked underneath the table for the rest of lunch. A secret just for the two of them.
While Mondo and Taka left lunch together, Leon and Chihiro did, as well.
"I had never wanted to tease anyone so badly in my LIFE, Chi," Leon complained through gritted teeth, clenching his fists to exaggerate his point. "NEVER. I SWEAR."
Chihiro smiled thankfully. "I know. They are... Uh, obvious."
"Obvious doesn't even BEGIN to cover it! They practically had HEARTS over their heads!!!" Leon groaned. "I cannot BELIEVE I let you talk me into promising not to tease them!"
"You know why it's important that-"
"Yeah, yeah, coming out's an important step that someone's gotta take on their own, being outed can be traumatizing, act surprised when it happens, blah, blah, blah," Leon echoed, making a 'talking' motion with his hand. "But JESUS..." He rubbed his face.
"Hehe... If nothing else, it was sweet, though, wasn't it...?"
"So sweet that I nearly gagged." Leon stuck his tongue out. "Ugh, this is a pain. But, yeah, fine, whatever. Least Mondo's happy."
"That's the spirit!"
Mondo was able to switch it on and off easily, thankfully, but he did give Taka petnames. He'd instantly begun to imitate how other bikers referred to their sweethearts, calling Taka 'babe' the first chance he had gotten. Taka didn't do the same; he just called Mondo by his name over and over. He said he didn't want to cheat himself out of a single syllable anymore, after so long of just calling Mondo 'bro'. Which was so goddamn sweet it might-as-well have been a petname.
Obviously, Mondo wasn't about to let himself become sappy or nothing like that. It already felt sappy and vulnerable enough that he admitted he was in love with Taka. (Even if he didn't actually directly say the words a ton. Especially compared to Taka, who said 'I love you' sometimes just to see Mondo blush. Mondo was only really able to say it when Taka really needed to hear it from him. Otherwise, it was mostly 'me too's in response to Taka's declarations. If Taka noticed, he didn't say anything, and thank God for small favors.)
But, still, yeah. Sometimes, he slipped.
He was scrolling on his phone when he had noticed an advertisement for a book on a topic Taka was interested in. He perked up from where he was sitting, and called, "Hey, sugar, come check this out."
It took a long moment for Mondo to register why Taka's face had suddenly gone pink and a huge grin had spread across his face, but, when he did, he burst out into nervous laughter, his hand resting on the back of his neck. "THAT'S A NEW ONE, HUH?!"
Taka chuckled, and his blush faded. He got over embarrassment quickly, like he always did. "Yes! It definitely is, Mondo!"
Only Taka could make his name sound as sappy as 'my beloved' or some shit.
Gay men were sexual, predatory, and dangerous, and love between two men was nothing more than confusion or a defect. That was what Taka had been taught. There was only one type of love; between a man and a woman. And between a man and a woman, there were only a select few ways to show love; a kiss, or a wedding.
But Mondo was teaching him that there were so many ways to love. More ways than Taka had ever realized.
Love could be helping Mondo study to get his grades up, even when Taka knew the material like the back of his hand. Love could be Mondo putting on a helmet to stop Taka from worrying himself sick, even when he knew he'd get made fun of for it. Love could be patching Mondo up after a fight. Love could be Mondo reading out of Taka's favorite history textbook to help Taka sleep, even though Mondo hated history. And love could be Mondo chuckling and scratching the back of his head with a bright-red blush burning his cheeks, reminding Taka that, yes, Mondo was just as nervous, inexperienced, and in love as he was.
At its best, it felt warm. Warm, and comforting, and pure, the way only young love could feel. At its best, Taka felt like screaming at the top of his lungs that this wonderful man was his BOYFRIEND, that Mondo Oowada was in love with Kiyotaka Ishimaru, that they were in love with each other and they were so happy together, and isn't that so amazing?!
At its worst, it felt dirty. Dirty, and tainted, and dangerous. And Taka didn't even want Mondo to look at him during those times. And those times were hard, so hard, because he couldn't take back anything he had done. He couldn't un-love Mondo. And he wished he could go back to the time before he knew, so he could comfort himself with the image of his future as prime minister, with a wife and children, as certain as anything.
But, as days passed, he stopped looking away when other queer classmates talked about their identities. As weeks passed, he found himself able to chuckle along instead of flinching whenever Aoi cracked a joke about 'same-sex marriage not being legal yet, but Makoto and Togami are practically already married!' And, as months passed... The worst times came less.
He was finally in an environment where he didn't have to put up an act to be safe. And, sometimes, when he was feeling particularly confident, he imagined the day he would finally close the curtains on his act for the final time.
Mondo knew Taka sometimes struggled with the thought of love between dudes being 'dirty' or whatever. And yeah, he knew why. They lived in a society, or whatever the fuck. But one of the most 'wholesome' memories Mondo had, not only of their relationship, but just in general, was their first kiss.
It was when Mondo was walking Taka back from one of their 'dates that could pass as not a date if somebody asked', and Taka was rambling (no, wait, 'infodumping', that's the word Taka used for when autistic people did this) about politics; something he'd researched the other night, and the percentage of who believes what, and, oh, it's really quite facinating, Mondo! And Mondo had to be looking at Taka with the biggest loser heart-eyes in the world, watching him flap his hands and the bounce in his step as he walked, before he muttered out, "Fuck, I wanna kiss ya so bad."
He thought he had said it quietly enough that Taka wouldn't hear, but Taka stopped in his tracks and his face went red, so, yeah, mission failed. Before Mondo could start yelling out of nerves, Taka had taken him by his hand, and had started to drag him to the baseball park they had been passing by without a word, which was empty, due to the time. Taka pulled him behind and underneath the bleachers, and they were just big enough for Taka to sit comfortably, but Mondo had to bend his back over a bit in order to fit underneath.
Then Taka stared at him. And Mondo stared back.
Taka blushed again, his stare growing more intense. "Well, then, don't let me stop you!"
"Hah?"
Taka continued to look at him expectantly, pouting a bit now.
"... Oh! Agh- uh, I'VE NEVER DONE THIS BEFORE! I'M GONNA BE SHIT!" He swallowed and forced himself to take a breath. Down, boy. Calm down.
Taka's voice rose to match Mondo's in volume. "I DO NOT MIND!"
"Fuck." Mondo had to consciously make sure he wasn't yelling at the top of his damn lungs, and, even then, his voice was louder than usual. "Uh. Okay, then."
He flexed his fingers at his sides, before bringing his hands up to Taka's face, and he instantly leaned into it with a pleased little hum, and Jesus fuck, how was this boy so damn cute? How was his boy so damn cute?!
"M'gonna kiss you now!" Mondo blurted out.
Taka laughed. "Okay!"
Mondo ended up freezing up out of nerves only a few inches away from Taka, so Taka had to be the one to close the gap, making that pleased little humming sound again. And, Mondo didn't know about Taka, but this was his first kiss (because he was an actual fucking disaster at romance, how the fuck did he manage to woo Taka?!), so he just kind of went with his gut and did what felt good. He tried to pull away after a few seconds, too nervous, but Taka fucking followed him, and made a little upset almost-whine noise when their lips parted, and he was so damn cute that Mondo went back and kissed Taka first this time. After the second kiss, though, Mondo managed to pull himself away for good this time, and, thank God, because that could have kept going on for forever, and Mondo would like to have dinner sometimes this week.
The two of them stared at each other, and, thankfully, this time Mondo wasn't the only one blushing like a moron.
"... Okay," Mondo eventually said.
"Okay," Taka parroted back.
Mondo snorted, Taka giggled, and then they both started laughing, leaning onto each other, pecking kisses onto each other's lips in the spaces in between bouts of laughter.
Mondo didn't have dinner until really late that night.
Mondo felt like kinda a fraud sometimes. Taka always went on and on about how amazing and inspirational he was for being so proud, which was a concept that, despite everything, Taka still had trouble grasping. But, nah. He still hadn't actually come out to everyone important in his life. And, yeah. Maybe he wanted Taka to be there, to show him it wasn't that bad and reassure him and shit.
"Would ya ever wanna meet my gang?" Mondo asked one day.
Taka furrowed his eyebrows, then glanced away, before smiling awkwardly. "Are they... Like you...?"
Yeah, that translated to 'are they delinquent troublemakers or can I actually trust them'. Mondo waved a hand. "Don't worry, they only treated Daiya's girls with the upmost respect. Somethin' about a king's queen bein' treated well, too."
"Wait. It would be as your... Partner?"
"Uh, yeah. S'what I had in mind. Ya don't gotta, obviously."
Mondo expected Taka to totally shoot down the idea with no hesitation once he knew that. So he was surprised when Taka paused. "... They... Know you like men. Yes?"
Mondo sucked in air through his teeth, before going into, "Well, 'know' is a bit of a strong word-"
"Mondo."
"I knowww, babe, but they were Daiya's gang! And Daiya was, like, super cool with queer shit! And they're all punk as hell, and that shit, is like, the gayest movement ever!"
Taka paused again. "They do not know anyone from our school. Correct?"
"Just me, baby."
Taka looked away, considerate, before muttering, "Perhaps... That could be alright... As a first time. So long as they don't tell anyone..." He looked back to Mondo. "I am just surprised you are not out to everyone!"
Mondo gave Taka a lopsided grin. "Yeah... The fear fades. But it never completely goes away, I guess."
"Yes it does! Watch this!" Taka leaned over and pressed a kiss to Mondo's cheek.
"FUCK YEAH!" Mondo threw his hands up and jumped to his feet, going along with Taka's joke. "I'M GONNA GO SCREAM FROM THE SCHOOL'S ROOFTOP ABOUT HOW FUCKIN' BI I AM!! WHOO!!"
He hurt his throat a bit from how loud he yelled, but, yeah, it was worth it to see Taka laugh so loud he snorted.
As it turned out, 'perhaps that could be alright' translated to a few months later, time-wise, while they were on vacation. After Taka had managed to scrounge up the money to buy every fuckin' gang member a goddamn helmet and fit them all in a backpack. Because of course he had to. (But Mondo only thought that in the fondest way imaginable.)
Because of that 'trying to fit over 10 helmets into a bag' venture, Mondo was a bit late to the Crazy Diamond's meeting, and, while that was nothing particularly new, that meant that everyone else was there, so they didn't have any excuse to wait before introducing Taka as Mondo's boyfriend. And Mondo knew that Taka knew this because, when he tried to get off his motorcycle, he couldn't, because Taka was gripping his middle so hard. He nudged him softly, and Taka jerked back, holding his hands up. "Sorry!"
Mondo snickered, but Taka's apology had gotten all eyes on him while Mondo went to park his motorcycle. "Ay, who's the funny little man?" one of the gang members barked at Mondo's back as he took off his helmet.
"I am hardly little!" Taka protested, his confident posture immediately returning. "I am 5'8! That is two inches above the-"
Before Taka could start rambling, Mondo came up from behind him and wrapped his arm around his shoulder. Taka brought his own arm to wrap around Mondo's in return, grinning, before his gaze returned to the group of scary-ass gang members staring at him put his hands on their leader, and his grin turned too-wide and panicked.
Oh, yeah, that reminded him. "Y'all better treat 'im with RESPECT, a'ight?! The king's guest gets treated as well as the king, yeah?! And-" He gave a quick glance to Taka, with a questioning look. Taka was prepared for it, because he nodded, even though he looked so nervous he would just about pass out. Just in case of that, he tightened his grip around Taka's shoulders, before continuing, "Especially because this funny little man is my funny little boyfriend!" And, even if Taka's nervousness was a little contagious, he couldn't keep the pride out of his voice, because how could he not?
As he had expected (and, come to think of it, probably should have warned Taka about) the gang members all jumped to get closer, surrounding the two, and staring at Taka with a critical eye, as they had done with Daiya's girlfriends. The sudden movements spooked Taka so bad he jumped, and he bowed quickly. "Hello! I am Kiyotaka Ishimaru, but you may call me Taka! I am very pleased to meet you all!" He perked up. "Oh!! And I came bearing gifts!" He placed his backpack onto the ground, and brought out one of the many helmets for examination. "Mondo told you all do not follow proper motorcycle safety! So, to go with the one I got for Mondo, I got one for each of you! They even have each of your initials on them inside so they will not get mixed up with each other's!"
They all continued to stare for a good moment; half of them at Taka, and half of them at the helmet he was holding; before, eventually, one of them said, in a questioning tone, "Mom of the Crazy Diamonds?"
"... Pardon?" Taka said, with a tiny, nervous smile.
"Mom of the Crazy Diamonds!" another gang member agreed, with a nod and a grin.
"... Wait, no-"
But the gang had burst into discussion already about their new 'mom', before Taka could retract his title.
Mondo laughed, and slung his arm around Taka's shoulder. "Relax, babe, they like ya!!"
"But- but I don't want to be a 'parent' of a biking gang!!"
"Well, maybe ya should've thought about that before fallin' in love with biking gang leader!"
Taka hummed nervously, apparently forgetting his worries about coming out for the first time in favor of his worries about being the honorary 'mom' of a gang.
... Oh, yeah. They'd both just come out, hadn't they?
Mondo grinned, and squeezed Taka's shoulder. "So, that wasn't as bad as ya thought it was, yeah?"
"What wasn't as-? Oh." Taka's expression turned to one of shock, then happiness. "Oh!!" He started to bounce on his heels. "Oh!! Mondo! I just came out! And it was on purpose this time!!"
"Fuck yeah, sure was!"
Mondo chuckled as Taka pressed his head up underneath his, snuggling up underneath his chin, before he suddenly backed away, looking at Mondo with both hands on Mondo's arms. "Oh!! Are you alright? It was my first time coming out, but they are your gang!"
"I'm fine! Ya don't gotta worry 'bout me."
He was more than fine. Because he couldn't shake the feeling that the Crazy Diamonds accepting him felt a lot like... Like his big brother was accepting him, somehow. But if he tried to say that, or explain it, he knew he'd start crying, and probably really obnoxiously loudly, so he decided to save it for later.
"Ay, what about you? Was worried you were going to pass out there for a sec."
Taka's grin got even wider, and, as intense as the red of his eyes was, in that moment, it was easily overshadowed by the happiness reflected in them.
"I've never felt more at peace with myself."
Eucatastrophe (n.) A sudden and favorable resolution of events in a story; a happy ending
Y'ALL WERE SO NICE IN THE COMMENTS OF THE LAST CHAPTER??? Excuse me while I just??? Cry??????
So, anyways, back on track! This was my first time writing these characters, and also my first multichapter fanfiction in over 5 years, but I worked a ton on it so I hope you all enjoyed! Leave a comment, so on and so forth, you guys know the drill.
Oh, and if anyone is looking through the 'internalized homophobia' tag to cope with their own internalized homophobia, like I do sometimes? I see you, I care about you, and who you love is not a bad thing. Learning pride is hard, but you'll get there eventually!
