Snowflake Challenge 2025 #2

[bedes]

Challenge #2

In your own space, talk about your fannish origin story.

I think the funny thing about my fandom origin story is that it took me several years to begin engaging with "social" fandom, but basically my whole life, I was actively trying to get into it. It's just that my parents' "no unsupervised internet" rule thwarted me at every turn.

My first fannish interest came about when I was around 5. I made my first friend in Kindergarten, Sarah (not her real name, but similar vibes), and she was super obsessed with Pokemon, and urged me to watch the anime. As I ate breakfast the next morning, Pokemon 4Ever happened to be on TV, so I watched, and cried when Celebi nearly died. From there, I was hooked. I played some of Pokemon HeartGold at Sarah's house, on her DS, and I immediately asked mom if I could have a gaming system and Pokemon game when she came to pick me up. For Christmas, later on, I got my first DS, and Pokemon Mystery Dungeons: Explorers of Sky. I collected plushies and Pokemon cards, even though I didn't know how to play the card game – I was hooked. Pokemon definitely triggered my first instances of fannish behavior.

During this time, I would watch copious amounts of AMVs on my mom's iPad, whenever she would give me time. I would have to be somewhere she could watch me, in the same room. She would often bemoan that I would watch the same AMVs over and over – "obsessively", she once described it, very derogatorily. I wasn't deterred, though.


I wanted to comment on these people's videos so badly, but my mom vehemently refused. I had to ask for her permission for any account I wanted, and she refused literally everything, except for things specifically designed for kids (unless they're virtual worlds, in which case she'd deny them too). I once used my mom's YouTube account to comment on a video I liked, and she scolded me a lot.

The next major development was when I got into the Four Swords manga when I was a few years older, because it introduced me to the wonderful world of DeviantART. I browsed DeviantART for hours. I was allowed to browse the internet on my own, but my mom would only let me do it on approved devices she had control of, and she regularly looked through my history. And she hated DeviantART. She hated that I was always on DeviantART, and forbade it. Why? She told me – it was the name. It had "deviant" in the title.

Have I mentioned that my mom is an intense Christian preacher yet?

Anyhow. My mom forbidding me from going on DeviantART made me learn how to delete my history. Especially after she "expressed her concern that I was" (read: scolded me for) viewing "gay artwork". A friend uploaded a Hetalia fic I (poorly, I'm sure) authored to her dA account, but I never got to be active on it in its heyday.

By this time, I was around 10, and I was still best friends with Sally (who was really into Earthbound and Evangelion at the time), and she urged me to try making a Tumblr. I didn't make one right away, but, once Steven Universe started airing Peridot's redemption arc, I was hugely into that fandom, and I noticed the vast majority of the time, the fanworks were on Tumblr. So, I finally made a Tumblr account.

How did I convince my mom to let me do such a thing? Well, you see, after over 5 years of pleading for some sort of account so that I could make friends with people in fandom, at the age of 11, I had come up with a fullproof strategy: simply don't ask!

There is quite a bit more to tell here in how I got involved in "social" fandom, but I'm going to stop. The Tumblr account I made back then is long deleted now – my current one was made in 2018, years after. All accounts I made behind my mother's back during that time were deleted by her, too (with no regard for archival of my fanworks, and yes, I'm still bitter).

The reason I can't continue on is due to bad memories heavily intertwined with my fandom memories during this time. See, my mom followed a "my child is not allowed online without strict supervision!" mindset, so she thought she would never have to teach me how to interact with others safely online. After all, how could anything unsafe happen if she only let me go on websites for children, and disallowed anything else? Not to mention the history monitoring, for which she scolded me for looking at anything less than heterosexual, family-friendly content which aligned with her personal values! Surely, this could never backfire in any major, predictable way!!

Anyways, on an unrelated note, here's a screenshot of a Tweet I enjoy.

Comments

[vendettadays]

Thank you for sharing your fannish origin story - it sounded like it was a hard start into fandom but I hope you were able to make so new, happier memories in fandom <3

[bedes]

Thankfully, I was! Even back then, though it was lonely without the ability to speak to others, those formative fandom years taught me so much about what the world was like, outside of my little pocket of it. Once I was able to get online, I met lots of friends! It was also through fandom that I discovered I was queer, and what autism was, which led to me being diagnosed and finally understanding myself. (I often refer to this as "Peridot Steven Universe leading to my autism diagnosis", haha. A story for another time!)

These positive memories were mostly formed during and after the time I cut the story off at, so I don't discuss them in-depth, but there was a lot of joy here, too, even in the rough times. (o˘◡˘o)

Thank you for your kind comment :>! It made me happy!

[vendettadays]

I'm so glad to hear there were positive moments and you found friends and good friends in fandom and discovered so much about yourself! <3

[tjs_whatnot]

Oh man, I can totally relate to the strict religious upbringing and how clueless those parents can be. Mine was a different era and so my mom didn't have the internet to rally against, so she went after what I listened to and that devil music in the MTV (back when they actually played music 😭😭).

I wish parents like ours would have spent as much time getting to know us and, oh, idk, TALKING to us as they did monitoring our ever move. If they only knew why we were doing what we were doing and what hole it was filling. ❤️❤️

*hugs our11yo selves*

[bedes]

Ahh yes, The Devil Music! How could I forget? I was, luckily, raised juuust around the time when the Satanic panic was starting to die down, so I was spared from it... for the most part. The fact that hardly anyone believed in that stuff anymore didn't stop her from forcing me to watch a video on Facebook of a preacher talking about why Pokemon is Satanic one time. Highlights from that which I remember include him referring to Misty as "scantily dressed" derogatorily, pointing out that Team Rocket (the villains) crossdress (nobody show him the episodes where Ash crossdresses, his head would explode), and saying that Pikachu's tail being a thunderbolt was a sign of Satan, and definitely NOT that he was Electric-type. XD

Yeah... if my mom had just asked me what I had seen in those spaces, I would've been able to tell her that I felt like I didn't fit in with anyone, and I wanted to be friends with the people online because they were like me. I don't know how I feel about having kids quite yet, but if I do, I'd hope that I'd be able to give them the childhood that I didn't have.

(Also, sudden mood change, but I love your icon, lol)

[got_quiet]

> (with no regard for archival of my fanworks, and yes, I'm still bitter).

Oh I would never forgive. Ouch!

I'm glad you're in a better place now, and yeah, the internet can be so dangerous and the abstinence approach just makes it more so =/

[volkameria]

Thank you for sharing. I can empathize and relate really heavily to the whole "raised in a strict overly dogmatic about religion house" part - fandom was how I discovered I was autistic, and that it was OK to be a working, educated woman who still squealed over cartoon characters.

I'm so glad fandom provided a space for you to discover who you are, and I hope you're in a much better spot now! :D

[bedes]

Fandom was also how I discovered I was autistic, too, haha! Thank you for your sweet comment, it’s so nice to hear other people have similar experiences!

[a_natural_beauty]

Gosh, I remember having a DS and playing those pokemon games back in the day. <3
Heart gold and soul silver were some of my favorite pokemon games ever! I haven't played any of the PMD games. Maybe someday....
I still sometimes watch AMVs, too. :D

[bedes]

I still make AMVs, haha! (In a different style than was popular back then, but still, the concept is the same.)

Also, PLEASE do play the PMD games if you get the chance! Especially the early ones are absolute masterpieces.

[a_natural_beauty]

Oh that's impressive!

Maybe I'll treat myself to some new games in the future and try one of those. Thank you for the suggestion!

[kaanbaltla]

Oh man, it was sure a hard start. But I'm really glad that you're still here in fandom, making better memories I presume!

I also started my fannish activities thanks to Pokémon, so high-five for that! (Also AAAAAAA, Li Speaks!!! I love her videos, they're so fun <3)

[bedes]

I’m also a fan of her videos! I feel like Pokemon is a lot of people’s first foray into fandom, even if it isn’t usually listed along with the likes of Star Wars, Supernatural and the rest of the ‘megafandoms’.