You're afraid to be corny, but I was born on the cob

Challenge #3

Write a love letter to fandom. It might be to fandom in general, to a particular fandom, favourite character, anything at all.

I hate to use the exact same fandom twice in a row, when I am a multifandom girlie at heart, but I feel like this couldn't be for any other fandom but Pokemon. You'll understand why thanks to the contents of the letter itself.

Dear Pokemon,

( Letter under the cut... continue? )

Challenge #1

The Icebreaker Challenge: Introduce yourself. Tell us why you're doing the challenge, and what you hope to gain from it.

Howdy-hey! I'm Azure, but I also answer to Bede and Siffrin! I use he/she/bun/fae/moon pronouns (if you don't know how to use neos, I totally understand; just alternating he/she is a-okay!), and I'm a queer 20-something who's been into fandom since before I hit double digits. I am what you might call an "interdisciplinary artist": a webmaster, artist, author, and editor!

If you'd like to know more about my fandoms/fannish likes and dislikes, I recommend checking out my 'fandom ID card' on my personal site! (Since I'm multifandom, if I wrote it all down here, we'd be here for ages...) The TLDR is that I'm most often a video game fandom participant, a shameless wearer of favorite character goggles, and a connoisseur of the internalized homophobia trope!

Why am I doing this challenge? Well, I did it last year, and I loved it! It's a challenge which seems to bring a lot of people out, and I loved how many strangers were up for discussion with me. A lot of those strangers turned out to be super-cool people, and I hope I can meet a lot of super-cool people this year, too!

I'm a little bit late to this one, but, I guess if there's one to be late to, it's the very last prompt! Nothing wrong with bringing up the rear.

Challenge #15

Talk about an unexpected joyous moment you experienced last year.

I had a few joyous moments last year, but a lot of them were, in some ways, expected. Something that truly felt like it came out of left field, though, was the Pokemon megaleak! I don't condone everything the leakers did, of course, but there was so much interesting information released all at once!! Never-before-seen full-res art, beta Pokemon, character profiles...! AH! For those days when information was still being leaked, I was undoubtedly in autism heaven.

Challenge #13

Interact with someone in fandom you haven't talked with before.

I sent an (... anonymous) ask to a pixel fanartist I really admire, telling them what I like about their art! I don't know if making it anonymous defeats the point of the challenge, but I have anxiety. Heheh.

Challenge #12

Create a Rec Countdown.

This was a very well-times prompt, because I just finished writing up the contents of my reclist page for my personal site! I'll be recommending 5 video games, 4 series, 3 vocal synth songs, 2 movies, and 1 YouTuber!

5 Video Games Recs

1. 31st March, Midnight
Genre: Visual novel
Commentary: This is the first of many free games available on itch I'd like to recommend. This short visual novel follows Amy, a game developer working on a spinoff for a game studio, as she thinks about her experience working in the game industry under capitalism's duress. I find myself coming back to reread this often, as it provides both pointed commentary on how visual novels are viewed in the west, and an honest depiction of how queer-focused games are often made behind the scenes.

2. BAD END THEATER
Genre: Visual novel puzzle/adventure
Content Warning(s): death, cartoon gore, implied homophobia
Commentary: BAD END THEATER is a visual novel-style adventure/puzzle game where you get to select your character and explore a wide variety of terrible fates! This cast of characters follows a set of tropes found in adventure stories. There is The Hero, The Maiden, The Underling and The Overlord. But don't let that fool you into thinking this game is cliche! BAD END THEATER is one of the most creative games I have ever played. It, too, is delightfully queer, as well, with 3 out of the 4 main characters being canonically queer in some way. Such a shame that all of their endings will lead to tragedy, right?

3. EVERYTHING IS GOING TO BE OK
Genre: ?
Commentary: This is the sort of game that, by its very nature, does not want to be summarized or sorted into a defined genre. EVERYTHING IS GOING TO BE OK is available on a pay-what-you-can basis on itch, and is described as an "interactive zine" by its creator. It's a vignette of multiple non-linear, interactive 'scenes', informed by the creator's struggles with trauma. This game has a very distinct visual style, displays a masterful usage of humor to humanize traumatic experiences, and contains many standalone quotes that I come back to often.

4. Fields of Mistria
Genre: Farming sim RPG
Commentary: Fields of Mistria is the only Stardew-alike that I consider to surpass the game it was inspired by. With a ton of quality-of-life improvements, a gorgeous 90s-anime-inspired art style and aesthetic, and a magic system to set it apart, I feel like it really shines best in how it puts a lot of love and care into its characters. The town feels like a genuine community, characters have relationships to each other outside of you, and I have yet to run into any repeat dialogue in my 40+ hours of playing. Characters are also very reactive: they will bring up when you hit certain points in the mine, complete mini-quests, talk about upcoming holiday events, comment about things you've submitted to the museum, and more. The dating sim aspects are especially very reactive and reciprocal. Additionally, the game is very clearly made with a queer audience in mind. Many romancables feel like they were made with the intent of capturing the interest of queer players (Hayden, Valen, and Balor, namely), and it is the only game that I know of at all that allows you to not only select your pronouns, but allows you the options to use he/she, it/its, and no pronouns at all. AND you can romance the dragon.

5. Love & Dehumanization
Genre: Adult fantasy visual novel
Content Warning(s): Violence, torture, suicidal ideation, and BDSM, and discusses negative body image, negative views of sexuality, and trauma. Much more extensive content warnings are provided in-game.
Commentary: Obligatory THIS GAME IS FOR ADULTS. IT HAS SEX. I DO NOT RECOMMEND THIS GAME FOR THOSE UNDER THE AGE OF 18. For those who are above the age of 18 and who have an interest in discussions of kink and trauma, though, I cannot recommend this game highly enough. This game is free on itch, and it takes place in a fantasy RPG world, following a girl who willingly becomes a monster. It is a story about the desire to be violated and dehumanized, how that desire can manifest, how it can traumatize people, and how to reclaim those desires in the name of self-love. It is a truly rebellious story which takes difficult-to-understand concepts (even and especially to those who know them most intimately), and boils them down to easy, but incredibly impactful language. After completing this game, I physically layed down on my floor and stared at my ceiling for multiple minutes on end in silence, and, if that's not high praise, I don't know what is!


( Continue? )

I'm having Not The Best Mental Health Time, so I'm gonna keep this one short!

Challenge #10

In your own space, talk about one of your fandom firsts. This could be your first fandom, your first fandom friend, the first fanwork you created, the first fanwork you interacted with... The options are endless!

I went to my first fan convention at around 14! It was an anime convention that I went to with my best friend at the time (we're still in contact!). I went cosplaying as the Hetalia character, Romano. Except my mom really hated that I wanted to cosplay a male character, so I just told her, actually, I'm cosplaying the genderbent version of him! (I did not do the genderbent version of him.)

I remember I got a few buttons of Hetalia characters, a Chibiusa print and a plush cat! I didn't go to any panels that I can remember, instead just shopping around and talking to other fans. I had a great time, but my mom apparently despised the whole thing so much that she made my aunt go with me instead to my next con, haha.

Challenge #7

In your own space, create a list of at least three things you'd love to receive, something you've wanted but were afraid to ask for - a wishlist of sorts. ... Maybe someone will grant a wish. Check out other people's posts. Maybe you will grant a wish.

I love this topic! I'm going to be fulfilling folk's wishes to the best of my ability, and updating this post with each one I fulfill. As for myself, though...

1. Mutual aid request: Help me move!

The obligatory mutual aid request. I'm currently saving up to move out of my parents' home, because they forbid me from going on HRT. Plus, being trans in a red state has never been the safest or most accepting experience.

My Paypal.me is here (https://www.paypal.com/paypalme/azuremist), and my Ko-fi is here (https://ko-fi.com/azuremist)!

2. Software: Aseprite

I've been getting very into pixel art lately, and the pixel art software is Aseprite. It's a fantastic piece of software, available on Steam for $20 USD. I very much want it, but I can't justify the purchase, due to the aforementioned saving up. However, you can buy someone software on Steam, then gift it to them! My Steam email is azures.mist@protonmail.com, and my Steam account name is azure_mists. Fulfilled by volkameria! Thank you!

3. Fic rec: Internalized homophobia

This is my favorite fic trope, to the point that my friends will watch a show, see a queer character with internalized homophobia, and send it to me being like "yooo Azure, new queer character with internalized homophobia just dropped". So, obviously, I'd love some fic recs involving this trope! I can go in fandom-blind, but I prefer fandoms I'm familiar with!

4. Self promo: Comment on my partner and I's fics

I am AzureMist on AO3, and some fandoms I've written for include Dungeon Meshi, MILGRAM, Splatoon and Pokemon! If you're familiar with any of the fandoms I've written for (from 2021 onward), I'd really, really appreciate it if you could spare some kind words!

My partner is verdantscribe on AO3, and lately, he's been really bummed about the lack of comments on his fics. So, if you'd comment on any of his 3 most recent ("Le Judas", "Dissos: NMDA Receptor Antagonist", and "Hallucination Panic"), that would be amazing! Especially if you're familiar with their source materials (Dead Plate, Dungeon Meshi, and Cold Front, in order).

5. Fandom rec: Play Dead Plate

Please give the free game on itch.io, Dead Plate, a try!! I need more people on here to talk about it with or I will simply pass away.

Listen to me. It has everything. Toxic yaoi. Cannibalism. Codependency. A wet dogboy of a protagonist. Canon queers. Themes of love as consumption. A narrative haunted by a character who doesn't appear much but who the story wouldn't exist without. Literally what else could you need???

( Bonus: Wishes I've granted )

Haven't written anything for a few days! All my free time has been going into coding my website redesign, and this weekend, I'm gonna be spending a lot of my time playing Frostyfest in Splatoon 3. (Gotta get up to Ruler ranking, and hopefully get a pic with Frye!)

Thankfully, I set aside some time in between matches and coding to write today, though.

Challenge #5

Fandom can be a highly meaningful experience for many! We'd love to hear about how being part of a fandom has helped your life change for the better. Have you made any cherished memories or connections? Does fandom bring you joy? Tell us about the ways that fandom has helped you.

There are so many ways that fandom has improved my life with. I've met most, if not all, of my best friends through fandom -- including my romantic partner! It taught me about what the world was like, outside of my sheltered upbringing. It helped me understand myself better through using the characters as an indirect means of exploring certain topics, and I discovered I was queer and autistic through fandom.

I wanted to go a bit more in-depth about the point about autism, though, because I mention it in passing a lot.

( Continue? )

Challenge #4

Since this is the start of a new year, this challenge will be to set your own goals! Of course we can all make large or ambitious goals, remember that small and/or short goals are also good!

I don't really "do" New Year's resolutions or goals -- especially vague, immeasurable ones. I am participating in getyourwordsout this year, though, so one could say that I have a resolution to write more regularly? I'm also hoping to get my driver's license this year, although that's not fandom-related, haha.

Challenge #2

In your own space, talk about your fannish origin story.

I think the funny thing about my fandom origin story is that it took me several years to begin engaging with "social" fandom, but basically my whole life, I was actively trying to get into it. It's just that my parents' "no unsupervised internet" rule thwarted me at every turn.

My first fannish interest came about when I was around 5. I made my first friend in Kindergarten, Sarah (not her real name, but similar vibes), and she was super obsessed with Pokemon, and urged me to watch the anime. As I ate breakfast the next morning, Pokemon 4Ever happened to be on TV, so I watched, and cried when Celebi nearly died. From there, I was hooked. I played some of Pokemon HeartGold at Sarah's house, on her DS, and I immediately asked mom if I could have a gaming system and Pokemon game when she came to pick me up. For Christmas, later on, I got my first DS, and Pokemon Mystery Dungeons: Explorers of Sky. I collected plushies and Pokemon cards, even though I didn't know how to play the card game – I was hooked. Pokemon definitely triggered my first instances of fannish behavior.

During this time, I would watch copious amounts of AMVs on my mom's iPad, whenever she would give me time. I would have to be somewhere she could watch me, in the same room. She would often bemoan that I would watch the same AMVs over and over – "obsessively", she once described it, very derogatorily. I wasn't deterred, though.

( Contains discussions of poor parenting, homophobia, and implications of grooming... Continue? )